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Grief

• Grief is an individual’s emotional reaction or response to a bereavement (a state of loss).
• Such as death of a beloved, the end of a relationship, illness, miscarriage, life changes, etc.
• Different people grieve differently. Symptoms of grief may include crying, anxiety, anger, numbness, emptiness, impatience, guilt, etc.
• The intensity of the grief depends on the significance of the loss.
• Grieving takes time. One should not rush to get over a bereavement, moving on is part and parcel of life. Cope with feelings and emotions steadily to ensure good mental health.

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The 5 Stages of Grief (Kübler-Ross model)

Denial
“It is not true. This can’t be happening. Something is wrong.”
Denial is a defense mechanism. It helps with numbing the intensity of overwhelming emotions, and thus allows the individual to gradually process shock.

Anger
“Someone has to be responsible! How can they let this happen?”
Anger creates a masking effect. The individual feels frustrated and helpless. Desperate to hide all of these emotions, he/she searches for someone to blame, and thus direct anger at others, even inanimate objects.

Bargaining
“If only I could…this would not have happened.”
Bargaining helps regaining control. The individual feels vulnerable and is looking for ways to cope. He/she looks for ways to regain control and tries to affect an outcome that has already happened. The individual dwells on what he/she could have done to avoid the bereavement.

Depression
“I can’t go on anymore. My whole life is ruined.”
Depression is a quiet stage. The individual stops actively looking for reasons, sadness and similar emotions like loneliness set in. This stage can be heavy and painful.

Acceptance
“What has happened has happened, I can’t change the past.”
Accepting the loss. The individual finally accepts the reality of the loss and understands its impact on his/her life. Acceptance allows a chance to regain hope and move on.

Not all people experience all stages, nor experiences these stages in accordance.

How to Cope with Grief?

  • Heal slowly
    Be compassionate to yourself, take all the time and capacity you need. Understand that your life has changed and can never be the same after losing a loved one. Accept your emotions and feelings, allow yourself to grieve and heal.
  • Keep healthy
    It is scientifically proven that grief can cause heartaches, headaches, dizziness, insomnia, loss of appetite, even high blood pressure. While feeling overwhelmed with waves and waves of emotions, it is still important to look after your physical health. Remember to exercise, eat regularly, try engaging in activities that bring you joy and happiness.
  • Breathe!
    Breathing exercises help the body to relax. Deep breathing signals the nervous system to calm down, it eases the anxious mind, reduces stress and tension. Belly breathing is a good, basic breathing exercise. You can try to put your palm on your belly, breathe in deeply, and exhale. Repeat 3 to 10 times, slowly and steadily.
  • Talk to someone
    You are not alone. Try talking to friends and family about your feelings, seek connection and support from groups of people who also experienced loss. If the emotions are too messy to deal with, never feel ashamed to seek help from an emotion expertise. A therapist helps you to explore your emotions and teach you how to cope with your feelings. A psychiatrist can prescribe medicines for you if the depression is too difficult to deal with.

Helplines

Malaysia
• Life Line Association: 03-42657995
• Befrienders KL: 03-7956 8145 (24 hours)
                        Ipoh: 05-547 7933 (4pm to 11pm)
                        Penang: 04-281 5161 (3pm to midnight)
Singapore
• SILVER RIBBON: 6386-1928
• SAMARITANS OF SINGAPORE (SOS): 1800-221-4444 (24-hour)
• INSTITUTE OF MENTAL HEALTH'S MOBILE CRISIS SERVICE: 6389-2222 (24-hour)
• CARE CORNER COUNSELLING CENTRE (for Mandarin speakers): 1800-353-5800
• SINGAPORE ASSOCIATION FOR MENTAL HEALTH: 1800-283-7019
• TINKLE FRIEND (for primary school-aged children): 1800-274-4788

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